From 📚Love Letters: To What Has Been, What Is, and What Awaits
🩷Stella 🙎🏻♀️ 🌉 👽 Vincent🩵
Would you come sit in my arms?
I'm surprised at how naturally my body responds as it moves toward him. I sit between his legs with my back resting against his chest. We're both looking at the ocean in silence, our chests rising and falling at the same time. For the first time in my entire existence, I feel like I’m breathing the same air as another human being, as if the thin clingfilm I’ve always felt between me and others has vanished.
I can feel his hot breath coming out of his nose, brushing past my ear and disappearing toward the sea. My right hand rests on my knee, but now it has company, his hand reaching out to feel mine. Very timidly, he touches the top of my hand, and my heart catches fire.
Instantly.
In response, I turn my palm upward and fit it into his. He quickly grows more confident, becoming more assertive as he strokes my hand and arm. He moves my hair aside to explore my ear and shoulder with his face. If my heart was burning before, it's now exploding, sending spits of hot lava into the atmosphere.
He traces his thick lips along my neck, down to my shoulder, across my back, and up again to my ear, where he whispers Turn around. I obey without question. I swing around, only to discover a new face looking back at me. The features are the same, but something about the face feels different. It was as if he placed his soul in his eyes, silently calling mine to join him. I stopped running.
When we sat down on the beach, we were two nervous strangers. Now, it’s as if we’ve remembered a life we had forgotten. We are lifelong, made of the same substance but in different forms.
And then I saw it. Our entire relationship, all of it at once. A love that fills us both with abundance, purpose and joy. For the first time in my life, I understood what reciprocated energy feels like. I completely surrendered. I spent my entire adult life trying to let go, to surrender, to release control. But here, now, in front of Vincent it wasn’t even a conscious choice. My body stopped trying, and simply allowed.
There are parts of ourselves we don't even realise exist until someone comes along and gives them life. For me that someone was Vincent. This boy from another world, I have known since I was in my mother’s womb.
When our lips finally touched for the first time, electric shots coursed down my spine, causing me to jerk ever so slightly. I felt his body do the same.
We pressed our foreheads together in silence, staying like that for a minute, absorbing everything happening within and around our newly united bodies. Then, the second explosion of the evening occurred as he swallowed my mouth, and I, his.
And in an instant, it all fell into place. In the depth of his kiss, I saw the face of the boy from my dreams. It was Vincent. Vincent the baby, Vincent the teenager, Vincent the young adult, Vincent the man. My dreams were not just dreams; they were memories of the past belonging to the person I have just become.
I remember it all. I remember the comets and the one turning back.
I remember seeing the baby in the car seat.
I remember it from my mother’s womb, seeing him through her eyes.
I remember being best friends in school. I remember the conversation on the mattress where I asked him if he feels sad his family left him here. His cheerful response, that it was his purpose and he felt joy, stayed with me.
I remember him on the beach, his dark curly hair contrasting with my sunset pastels as he wore all black and his signature black bracelet on his left wrist.
I remember our engagement, just the two of us, alone in a room full of people, beginning our mission now that we have found each other. And now, as I open my eyes, I remember what I’m seeing. Vincent in his black boxer shorts, lying next to me on his belly, looking up at me.
Welcome home, Stella!
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