“I feel like if someone were to touch me, I'd dissolve into molecules” Jesse , Before Sunset
A Challenge for You
This might sound cringe, but if you’re reading this, I have a challenge for you.
Would you be able to truly read the words that follow, not just react to them, but actually feel what they mean to you?
Not what your body’s autopilot response tells you, not the instinctive reaction shaped by cynicism or overexposure, but what do they say to you, profoundly.
Would you be able to feel the meaning behind my many words with curiosity and identify what profound meaning might they hold for you? How might they affect you?
If you can, here’s the reward: you won’t be able to predict where this will take you, but once you arrive, you’ll realise you’ve known the destination all along.
The Truth About Love and Worth
I've been waiting for someone to love me, until I realised all I ever needed was to love myself.
I’ve been waiting for someone to love me; years believing that to be loved, understood and truly seen, I needed someone else to give me that feeling. That if I was loved enough, I’d finally be allowed to be who I am.
I’ve outsourced my worth, placing it in the hands of someone else, believing that love was something given to me, something that granted me permission to feel worthy, beautiful, desired, real.
But what I didn’t know for a long time was that, when someone loves me, they don’t give me those feelings. They already exists in me.
Their love simply allows me to embrace what was already there. Their admiration makes it easier for me to see myself clearly. Their presence doesn’t create my worth, it simply validates the truth I was too afraid to claim on my own.
As women, we’ve been taught that relationships validate us, that love from another person confirms something about who we are. That it grants us permission to feel what was already present within us, but never to show it until someone else notices and accepts the magic we hold. Otherwise, it would be self-indulgent, and that’s not classy. But once he tells us we’re beautiful and special, then it’s a go, we can finally showcase and embrace everything we are. Until he changes his mind, at least.
The truth is, we’ve always known our true value and beauty, but we don’t believe it’s worthy until someone else brings it out in us.
It might not be everyone’s experience, but it was definitely mine and it’s reflected in everything I’ve seen around me. I’ve noticed it in the way we, as women, talk about men, about relationships, and about ourselves.
We have been taught to dim our light, to not feel too good about ourselves, to not toot our own horn, to not be too showy or loud about our joy, fire and passions.
Why?
Because our passion, joy and authenticity are powerful. It influences everything around us, forcing everyone to be their truest selves also.
And anything that carries that much power is bound to challenge the status quo.
Patriarchy has no favourites - Everyone is its subject
The dominant narrative has been about how patriarchy oppressed women. And while that’s true, it’s not the the full truth.
Men are victims of patriarchy, too. They were raised by men who defined masculinity through power, status and control, men who taught them that to be “masculine” meant to be dominant and unemotional.
Women are conditioned to seek external validation, to prove their worth, to be chosen.
Men are conditioned to prove their masculinity, to be strong, unemotional and “not that deep.
Our generation of men have been raised by fathers and grandfathers with strict gender roles values, men who gave egotistic definitions of the word *masculine*.
Men live in fear constantly. Either fear that by being how they authentically are is not being man enough, or fear that no matter how much they work they are not masculine enough.
Men struggle with fear of not being strong enough, powerful enough, men enough. So they work overtime to prove they are.
Men have been taught to not talk about their feelings, to be tough and loud, to show they power through showcasing their worth, assets and muscles.
Don’t talk too deeply.
Don’t show too much emotion.
Don’t use soft words.
Be strong.
Be fearless
Be the best,
the strongest,
the richest,
the most successful.
Don’t be a pussy.
Dont cry.
Don’t be vulnerable.
Power through.
Provide.
Be supportive.
Carry.
Deliver.
And I truly believe that, just like I did, they would live like this unconsciously until their reality is challenged. They won’t be able to pause and realise how far away from their true inner power they actually are.
The Upheaval
Recently, women have begun to recognise their own worth, embrace their power, and work hard on truly loving and accepting themselves.
We have severed the bonds that once held us captive and have started to feel, within ourselves, everything we once believed could only come from someone else.
We have started to truly fall in love with our own inner being and we are showing up as such.
I think we’re moving into an era where we, as women, are no longer satisfied with surface level or confusing relationship (friendships too) and this is starting to make people uncomfortable, its starting to make men uncomfortable.
And so, the dynamic between the sexes is shifting. Women would rather be alone than unfulfilled. Meanwhile, many men would rather be with someone than alone with themselves.
For the first time, men are being triggered into awakening to their own conditioning, realising they, too, have been trapped inside an identity they never consciously chose.
We are going in an era where women would rather be alone than quiet.
And I truly think we’re witnessing something beautiful unfold before our eyes. As women, we have been triggered into deep healing, shedding what was never ours to begin with, beliefs, expectations and standards of how things should be. By doing so, we are showing up differently in all our relationships, and men, the masculine, are experiencing the equivalent of shock therapy.
The first ever piece I have ever wrote was about my parents and childhood and it's called It starts long before you get here. In it I wrote “women are fuelled by shame and men by fear. My dad spent his life trying to make to make me tough and my mom spend hers trying to stop him. They were both trying to protect me."
That's how feminines and masculines are showing up in the world.
The Awakening of the Masculine
For too long, there has been a division between the feminine and the masculine, an unspoken tug-of-war, because we have been programmed to be angry and outraged at each other’s actions, having spent decades focusing on the consequences.
But now, as we start to go deeper and wider, we can see the root of the division, and that clarity helps us recognise the common ground we share. How similar we are, how we ultimately want the same things.
Underneath all the cycles our society has gone through, all the injustice, unfairness, hurt, and pain it has caused and how it has manifested for decades, we are now able to see the need we all share at our core. Not just in what we say or do, but in what we truly need. And that need is the same for all of us, regardless of sex, gender, or the energy we carry.
We want to be seen, understood, valued. We want to love and be loved. And now we have the tools to start building a new relationship, founded on the authentic way of existing for both female and masculine.
Creatively and beautifully.
A new Earth
We are beginning to look beyond the circumstances around us, circumstances we have spent decades fighting against, battling fire with fire, trying to force change at the surface level, at the level of effect. Now, we are gaining the awareness and curiosity to go deeper, to find common ground, and to build something new, this time, authentically.
The number of honest and vulnerable masculine voices has multiplied in recent years, showing me that we are further along in this process than I once thought.
More men are beginning to embrace their emotional and creative sides, men who have gone deep, expressing their struggles, views and hopes through, books, podcasts, poetry and more. Men who are realising they don’t have to choose either-or; they can embody both. Their soul is allowed to take whatever shape it needs.
These men are paving the way for others, creating a safe space for them to embrace their true emotions and instincts, dismantling everything they were taught masculinity *should* be.
Dark Night of the Soul
It’s incredibly scary to look at everything you thought you were and burn it down. To realise that the foundation you built yourself upon is no longer something you can grow on, live on or withstand. It can no longer support you because you have outgrown it, you are so much more than what you used to be. You see, feel, and hear so much more now. And in the moment you allow yourself to let go, you realise just how freeing it truly is.
What we're seeing now is that, no matter who we are, we're holding up mirrors for each other, working together to uncover who we truly are, what’s holding us back, where we’re living on autopilot, and how we can move closer to our joy, passion, and love.
All I see around me now are men redefining words like bravery, confidence, and strength, not as tools to dominate the outside world, but as ways to be vulnerable, to understand deeper what they need. And while some of the actions may look the same, they hit differently, because they are fuelled by a different state of being, a different frequency. Fear has been replaced by love.
I see men brave enough to embrace their inner knowing and strong enough to stand first in spaces where others might judge or attack out of fear. I have seen men who dared to be the first, and in that, I knew - we will all be okay.
We’re shifting from fear to love in real time, uncovering how free and powerful we truly are, no matter what stands before us.
You tell me, how is this not a world worth living in?
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