For those who feel they're either too much or not enough. The forever open but not vulnerable. For the ones hiding in plain sight.

“The Spaces In Between" is a raw, honest, and personal story told through a combination of diary entries written in the moment and essays about the moment, over the course of four years.

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The non-fiction narrative takes readers on a rollercoaster ride, depicting the journey from paralyzing fear and anger to happiness and inner peace. It explores raw, unfiltered emotions, captured in the heat of the moment, from attachment and loss to pain, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It explores the complexity of finding true love, then losing it, the heartbreak of not being chosen, and finally remembering who you are.

It's also a story of the realization that just when you believe you've completed your journey of 

learning, healing, and growth, something happens to make you see there’s a bit more to go. At first, it may seem terrifying, but as you get to know yourself more, you realise it’s not only fun but also a source of profound peace and genuine happiness.

 

Through unfiltered thoughts and experiences, I touch upon themes such as generational and  childhood trauma, fear of abandonment, love and relationships, and personal development journeys. 

 

The story is split into four parts: Stoned & Honest, Love or Attachment, Late Night Talking and Balance, each part representing approximately one year. It starts with the realisation and quick ignorance of being numb and disconnected which leads to a breakdown, progresses into marriage breakdown, culminates in reconnecting with my first love, awakening deeply buried desire and passion, and finishes with reflections, revelations and the lessons learned.

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Without realizing it in the moment, I documented the journey of my mind as it was fighting to keep me in my comfort zone, leading me to choose everything but the one thing that could alleviate my pain and suffering. You can observe me shifting from one extreme to another, erratically and without intention, only to find myself in the same dark and unhappy place, and finally reaching a point of balance where lessons have been learned and wounds have been healed.

 

If only I had been braver, I might not had lived for three decades years in a prolonged state of emotional detachment and pain. If these genuine moments can inspire confidence and bravery into one person in this world, I have fulfilled my life’s purpose.

 

No one should live a near life.

 

I was born in Romania and never felt like I fitted in. I went from one culture another, dragging my traumas around, numbing myself along the way. In this manuscript I documented my search for authenticity and connection and wanted to show that it doesn’t take big trauma to lose yourself, create masks and unknowingly live disconnected and in fear. 

 

This story is for all those who often feel like they're either too much or not enough, who wake up one day, halfway through life, and realize they've been mindlessly walking through it, like empty shells merely going through the motions. It's for those who constantly silence their inner knowing, intuition, thoughts, needs, and emotions, driven by the fear of being wrong or the belief that those around them will never truly understand, and will eventually leave them.

 

It's for everyone who thinks they are truly alone in feeling or thinking the way they do.

 

It’s about the moments in between the moments, it’s about what happens when you’re busy making other plans. The moments that seem insignificant, but when you put them together it shows your struggles, your wounds and the inauntenthic shape your life has taken.

 

If, by sharing my inner thoughts and journey to find balance, love, and connection, I can help someone relate and inspire them to look within their own minds and souls, then I have succeeded.